Anglophiletoad: “At times like these, I hate “Like” buttons. I don’t want to “Like” it. It’s not to be liked. In fact, it hurts. As it should. As it did. It hurts, in my case, because of all the stupid years I spent saying stupid things to trusting people in the guise of “ministry.” It hurts so much I can’t breathe; I want to stand on a rooftop and scream at the top of my lungs that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”
Victoria: “I wept after reading your comment. I’m profoundly moved by your sensitivity and empathy, but also burdened because it caused you to go to a dark place. That’s one of the reasons why publishing these types of posts is difficult for me. It’s one thing to post the data for educational purposes, but when it’s associated with personal human suffering, there can be fallout.”
Anglophiletoad: “Keep publishing. It needs to hurt. There needs to be consequences to our actions. People such as myself need to be made aware of the damage our carelessness can do, and we need to see it on a personal level such as yours, it needs to be real to us. In a way that we can’t just roll over and forget. It hurts, yes, but it’s a necessary hurt.”
“It needs to hurt.”
Dammit! Yes it does! Vance, your comments catapulted me in a direction I’ve needed to go for quite some time. I have skirted around this far too long. I agree with your assertion that people in the ‘ministry’ need to be made aware of the damage their carelessness can do (and has done), and yes, they need to see it on a personal level. The carelessness is multifaceted.
I’ve avoided opening up my life and writing about how I’ve been affected, personally. It felt too raw, and I felt too exposed. But I also didn’t want to offend. I need to get it out. I can relate so much to Fyodor Dostoevsky’s quote “There is immeasurably more left inside than what comes out in words.” I’ve wanted to shout it from the rooftops, in the form of blogging, but writer’s block would grip me. And like you, I want to scream sometimes when I continue to see the injustices condoned in the name of God.
My experiences as a Christian were not all negative, and I know some beautiful people of faith. But it’s not their faith or their religion that is responsible for their inner beauty. Also, research shows a ‘follow’ behavioral pattern among a majority of humans that is consistent with many other species, making decisions based upon the actions of others. I understand why people may need a belief system to help them cope. After all, I was once a believer. Unfortunately, with organized religion there are side-effects and toxic fallout.
I’ve yet to find the words to describe the indignities I felt as a woman of faith, and sometimes I still get sad. But it keeps the fire under me as an advocate/activist for human rights. I am not bitter or resentful. I am disappointed, and yes, I get angry at the blind trust, the apathy, and lack of empathy in religious circles. People are still being harmed by Iron Age ideologies!
As an American, I am disappointed in the U.S. government. They are sending a strong message that it’s OK to discriminate, to indoctrinate, to instill fear in children, to cause more harm than good, when they give religions, i.e., the Abrahamic faiths, tax exemption status. They are literally being rewarded for inappropriate, antisocial behavior.
Below, I share some personal thoughts that came to me during those ‘Winter seasons’ caused by the traditions of men. I survived the harsh Winters. My “frozen silence” is thawing.
“Justice will not come . . . until those who are not injured are as indignant as those who are injured.” ~Thucydides
Image courtesy of Morguefile.com