Victoria NeuroNotes

Into the Gray

“It Needs To Hurt”


Anglophiletoad and I exchanged comments from a recent post I published on my other blog.

Anglophiletoad: “At times like these, I hate “Like” buttons. I don’t want to “Like” it. It’s not to be liked. In fact, it hurts. As it should. As it did. It hurts, in my case, because of all the stupid years I spent saying stupid things to trusting people in the guise of “ministry.” It hurts so much I can’t breathe; I want to stand on a rooftop and scream at the top of my lungs that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

Victoria:  “I wept after reading your comment. I’m profoundly moved by your sensitivity and empathy, but also burdened because it caused you to go to a dark place. That’s one of the reasons why publishing these types of posts is difficult for me. It’s one thing to post the data for educational purposes, but when it’s associated with personal human suffering, there can be fallout.”

Anglophiletoad:  “Keep publishing. It needs to hurt. There needs to be consequences to our actions. People such as myself need to be made aware of the damage our carelessness can do, and we need to see it on a personal level such as yours, it needs to be real to us. In a way that we can’t just roll over and forget. It hurts, yes, but it’s a necessary hurt.”


“It needs to hurt.”

Dammit!  Yes it does!  Vance, your comments catapulted me in a direction I’ve needed to go for quite some time.  I have skirted around this far too long.  I agree with your assertion that people in the ‘ministry’ need to be made aware of the damage their carelessness can do (and has done), and yes, they need to see it on a personal level.  The carelessness is multifaceted.

I’ve avoided opening up my life and writing about how I’ve been affected, personally.  It felt too raw, and I felt too exposed.  But I also didn’t want to offend.  I need to get it out.  I can relate so much to Fyodor Dostoevsky’s quote “There is immeasurably more left inside than what comes out in words.”  I’ve wanted to shout it from the rooftops, in the form of blogging, but writer’s block would grip me.  And like you, I want to scream sometimes when I continue to see the injustices condoned in the name of God.

My experiences as a Christian were not all negative, and I know some beautiful people of faith.  But it’s not their faith or their religion that is responsible for their inner beauty.  Also,  research shows a ‘follow’ behavioral pattern among a majority of humans that is consistent with many other species, making decisions based upon the actions of others.   I understand why people may need a belief system to help them cope.   After all, I was once a believer.  Unfortunately, with organized religion there are side-effects and toxic fallout.

I’ve yet to find the words to describe the indignities I felt as a woman of faith, and sometimes I still get sad.  But it keeps the fire under me as an advocate/activist for human rights.  I am not bitter or resentful.  I am disappointed, and yes, I get angry at the blind trust, the apathy, and lack of empathy in religious circles.  People are still being harmed by Iron Age ideologies!

As an American, I am disappointed in the U.S. government.  They are sending a strong message that it’s OK to discriminate, to indoctrinate, to instill fear in children, to cause more harm than good, when they give religions, i.e., the Abrahamic faiths, tax exemption status.  They are literally being rewarded for inappropriate, antisocial behavior.

Below, I share some personal thoughts that came to me during those ‘Winter seasons’ caused by the traditions of men.  I survived the harsh Winters.  My “frozen silence” is thawing.

Justice will not come . . . until those who are not injured are as indignant as those who are injured.”  ~Thucydides

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Author: NeuroNotes

Victoria predominately blogs about religion, the psychological techniques used to indoctrinate, and the brain's role in religious-type experiences and attachment.

11 thoughts on ““It Needs To Hurt”

  1. Thanks for this, Victoria. I agree that this all needs to be heard, read, and felt. No one should abuse another human being in any way, and for some reason, religion can be the worst offender. We are all responsible to love, help, and speak up for others and ourselves.

    I hope you don’t mind, I mentioned your blog on another blog today, but I don’t remember which blog of yours I posted! There was a discussion about prayer, and exorcisms and I really wanted the blogger and her readers to have an opportunity to better understand both the emotional and medical aspects of the two.

    I really hope you don’t mind, Debbie and her readers have been a great support system for me for half a year now.

    I will post something either this weekend or at the beginning of next week. I have a few irons in the fire that I have drafted, as well as a few ideas in my head. I don’t know when, but I hope to address something that happened this week in the course of the summer on my blog. I had come out (my first one in “real life”) as an atheist to a friend, and I’m still trying to figure some things out about what had happened throughout that phone call.

    This blog has been really insightful, and I’m glad that you are always looking for ways to expand in wisdom and compassion.

    Here’s to you!


    • Charity, thank you for sharing my other blog with others. That’s why I blog and post the research, to help spread awareness. You are always welcome to share anything I post on either blog.

      I am looking forward to reading more of your postings from your blog. We seem to have many things in common. As I may have told you before, I’ve lived most of my adult life in the South. There are very few who would be comfortable knowing I am no longer a believer. When I told my family a few years back, they were devastated, and confused. Since then, I’ve never encouraged discussion with them for obvious reasons. They can talk to me about their beliefs, (and they do) but I don’t have a voice when it comes to my non-beliefs. After leaving the faith, only two of my Christian friends remained friends with me. That’s OK. I’ve made peace with it, and so I blog.

      I appreciate your encouraging words, and I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.

      Oh, and here’s to you, too! 🙂


  2. “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”
    Khalil Gibran

    Well put by you both.


  3. An absolutely profound post Victoria! I so stand up and applaud you and Vance’s courage! Let me hear you both ROAR! 🙂

    Now, I must take this opportunity to spin this “hurt” another direction, a safe healthy direction, because it also applies to ‘other’ aspects of human interaction and intimacy. It is the management of pain, and the maturing/mastering of it — but it is still necessary, like Vance is demanding. I think “endorphins” can also be incredible precipitaters to profound healing and experience. Do you know what I’m leading to Victoria? Just think about it for a couple of days. 🙂

    Peace to all.


    • “Now, I must take this opportunity to spin this “hurt” another direction”

      Btw, just in case I need to clarify why the title reads “It needs to hurt” — Vance was referring to an experience I wrote about in my other blog regarding ministers/clergy of faith who were/are directly responsible for the untold harm they’ve inflicted on members of society (including my late husband) who entrusted them to give wise counsel. And when I’m talking harm, I mean — death. THEY need to hurt — feel the pain they’ve caused in the name of their god. Because, until they do, they will continue to destroy lives.


      • Grrr…you’re right Victoria. I totally agree that consequences should (must?) follow betrayal and severe acts of hurt. This is especially true with people who have been given positions of intimate ‘caretaking’ and healing, then blatantly abuse it. Apologies, I realize now that in my haste I wasn’t clear enough in what I typed versus what I was wanting to convey/write on “pain” in general.

        As you are probably aware, I was attempting to use hurt/pain, in general, as advantageous — Napoleon Hill once said, “In every adversity lies the seed of equal or greater opportunity.” As a survivor myself, I have learned (and always still learning!) that discernment and management of pain/hurt is possible from a victim’s POV. However, as you’ve stated, some/many inflictors (sadist?) are clueless of what they are really causing because they haven’t truly earned the sacred position. As you and I have discussed, there are many cases, most cases(?) where help is needed ONLY in a very, very limited capacity. All of us already possess the power to survive and recover even stronger, unless their is some type of brain damage.

        Is that a better explanation of what I poorly attempted at first? LOL 🙂


  4. “I think “endorphins” can also be incredible precipitaters to profound healing and experience.”

    I couldn’t agree more — and the beautiful thing about endorphins — they can be generated via various methods. Brainwave entrainment, visualization techniques, and blogging (safe, healthy methods for transmuting pain) have been powerful, life-changing tools for me. Repeating what one of the people from one of the OWN clips you sent me, stated — “What ever floats your boat.” 😉



    • Yes indeed! And thank you for taking the time to watch those OWN clips. Yes, everyone is at a different point on their life-path relative to their age, their immediate upbringing, their geographical location(s), their struggles/successes, et al. With SO MANY various influential factors, each unique to that one person, it is RIDICULOUS to think one or two life-paths fits all; and the factors I’ve listed here are just the external factors! How many are there internally?

      “Whatever floats your boat” could then be overhauled to say, “Whatever floats your fleet of boats, down whatever rivers, whatever ports you dock, whatever oceans you sail, whatever storms you’ve conquered, whatever…well…you see my point. 😉


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